Sunday, December 19, 2004

The Sexual Allure of Simon Hoggart

So Guardian Columnists have been getting some action too.
I have never read anything written by Simon Hoggart. It's not that I wasn't interested in what he had to say. It was his picture on the Guardian website. Outside of the English football team, have you ever seen such an ugly bugger? Take a look at those moon-sized glasses. God knows what bizarre sexual fetish possesses my compatriot Kimberly (or is it Kimberley) Fortier Quinn. She's a good looking woman. Quinn, Blunkett, Hoggart. They're all physically repulsive.

And here's a useful update by Backword Dave on how Blunkett and Mrs. Quinn figured in Hoggart's columns.

Blunkett's Resignation Speech

The Blunkett saga has quickly gone from tragedy to farce. Blunkett's resignation speech provided cast iron proof, if there was at this stage any doubt, of his unfitness for high office. Deciding to take the high moral ground--always a tricky route to traverse--he said that he acted out of paternal love for his bastard child. Hasn't he read any of the great eighteenth century novels? The powerful father--and Blunkett is (or at least was) powerful--is supposed to watch over from afar. A mysterious cheque in the post; a word in the ear of an Oxford Don; a prized job offer out of the blue--that's his role. You are not supposed to "hold him [the child]... in [your] arms." You are not supposed to go to the courts to ascertain paternity nor to demand visitation rights. Furthermore, you are not supposed to blubber on national TV and claim later that you have been stitched up by wealthy amoralists. Blunkett simply did not understand the role that he chose to play. The silly bugger does not warrant our sympathy.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Blunkett's Resignation

Update (Dec 15) : So Blunkett resigned. About time. Hopefully Blair's next. I still think it's bizarre that some people sympathize with the conduct of his private life. If he conducts our public affairs as badly as he conducts his own private ones, we're really in trouble. I received a number of abusive emails over my previous post, including one from someone called Al--who describes himself as "a low rent biker journalist," whatever that means-- who accused me of embracing "Daily Mail morality."

As far as Blunkett is concerned, please understand that you only show
your
naivete when you come down on one side in such a battle of
media-savvy
titans. I'm reading stuff from people who have no
reason to love Blunkett who were
disturbed when Mrs. Quinn
apparently said to them, "I wonder what it's like
to sleep with a
blind man." Other expert Blunkett spinners point out her
experience
and frivolity, starting the affair within a few months of marrying Mr.
Quinn. And they also say that apart from his wife, she has been his

only other sexual partner to date. Surely you're old and wise enough
to realise that in these situations
everybody and nobody is to blame.

Sorry Al. But it makes no sense to say "everybody and nobody is to blame" in this case, for the following two reasons:

(i) Blunkett was the one who pressed the paternity issue. Absent this misplaced desire to claim rights to his alleged "love-child," nothing of this affair would have come to light.

(ii) Blunkett is a public servant, who abused the power of his office.

He ought to have resigned three weeks ago.



Thursday, December 02, 2004

The Morals of David Blunkett

I've been following with stupefaction the events surrounding David Blunkett, Britain's Home Secretary. "Leg-Over" Dave, as he''ll doubtlessly now be called by the British tabloids, has been mired in difficulties, all of his own doings, due to an affair with Kimberley Fortier Quinn, a married woman, who is--if Dave is right--the mother of one and maybe two of Dave's children. Needless to say, Mrs. Quinn's husband is none too happy about said events. Things have recently taken a turn for the worse, because (i) Dave's alleged to have given his married lover a rail pass for which she was unqualified; (ii) he is alleged to have fast-tracked a work permit for Mrs. Quinn's nanny: and (iii) Mrs. Quinn has been rushed to hospital suffering from stress-related pregnancy dfficulties.
Yet amidst all this, Dave had the following to say:

"I would like to thank so many people who have been in touch with me offering support and giving me their trust.

"I have done nothing wrong.

I'm the last person to raise a hue and cry over anyone's sexual morals, but even I find this a bit rich. So here's some suggestions for Dave concerning things he may have done wrong:

(i) Fucked another man's wife;
(ii) Impregnated her once and maybe twice--hasn't he heard of condoms?
(iii) Refused to accept her decision to dump him;
(iv) Insisted that she undergo a paternity test;
(v) Humiliated her, her husband, and their children;
(vi) Abused the power of his office;
(vii) Blabbed unnecessarily to the press; and
(viii) Generally made a complete and total prat of himself.

Ye Gods, I've just discovered I'm turning into MelaniePhillips.
(There's more on the press coverage from Backword Dave)


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